Me, as of RIGHT NOW

31 July 2008 By Valerie 2 In Life, Personal

Now, this all might change once I’m done with this, but hey.

First of all, I updated to the newest version of Wordpress and added a new theme. Maybe I’ll make it so that people can change themes, give people a little freedom…but I don’t think there are enough visitors for that, and I can change the theme whenever I want soooo it’s unlikely.

Right at this moment, I’m into the idea of having a blog. But this presents a problem, because I don’t want to talk about my life or the people in my life. So it would just be about my thoughts…but all of my thoughts are about me, because I’m self-centered.

In the last few months, my friend had a blog post or 5 mentioning her on a dating blog. I mean, maybe if it was a blog that got 0 readers, it would be okay, but that was not the case; this was/is a blog published by CondeNast. Luckily, she hadn’t even gotten to the point where they go on a date, so it wasn’t like her personal life was up on the internet from some sketchy guy, but it was not a good feeling. Well, not for her…the rest of us found it HIGHLY amusing, and I sat at my desk at work laughing hysterically. But yeah, I don’t think any of my friends would be happy with me if that happened, they all described how weird they found it and how not-cool they found the invasion of privacy, and I did the exact same thing.

(That guy was such a tool, though)

Anyway, I’m feeling pretty good. It’s funny how quickly the summer goes when you have to work through it…let me tell you, that was not fun this summer. I did not enjoy it one bit. I also have not gone on vacation or anything. I had some friends visit over Fourth of July…a lot, actually, so that was really fun. And some more visiting in August. So I’m excited about that. I’ll be going to Hawaii for Thanksgiving…finally was able to guilt-trip my parents into buying me a ticket. Between my brother being on the 10 year plan for finishing college in Hawaii and my parents each going at least twice a year, and I not having gone in 9 years and not having a family Thanksgiving in 6 years, I through kind of a bitch fit. I also threw a bitch fit when my parents made me get a job last fall, I did, then on my first day on the job (it was a temp job so it didn’t really matter), my dad says “So I’ve been thinking of going to Hawaii for Thanksgiving and I bought a ticket today.” I was so mad, because I could have gone if they didn’t make me get a temp job. I know, that’s a spoiled bitch move to be pissed that my parents didn’t buy me a fucking vacation to Hawaii, but whatever, I was.

Other than that, I’ve just been playing in the city and working. My schedule’s been pretty full up for the past 5 months or so, it’s kind of weird. Going from such an unstructured setting at school to having my every 15 minutes planned out is weird. Of course, to be fair, I do schedule in days to leave up to spontaneity–that’s right, I’m THAT cool and I’m living THAT close to the edge. But I am very serious about my me time and hate planning every second planned, so I like to leave healthy breaks to allow for tardiness and relaxing.

Speaking of which, I have spent wayyyyy too long on writing this and am running late!

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RIP

21 January 2008 By Valerie 0 In Personal

My dog died last Monday. She had to be put down. She couldn’t stand up anymore on Sunday, and then on Monday morning, she was vomiting blood. She had been having trouble standing up and couldn’t really stand up all the way because of her arthritis in her hips. But it was sad. She was the best dog in the history of the world. She lived 15 years and was awesome. Her picture is my desktop background at work now. It’s upsetting knowing that she will never cuddle again. She used to do this thing where she would lean her head up against your legs, almost throw her head into them. That was her way of giving a hug, I like to think. I would rub behind her ears, and she would be so happy. She didn’t like to cuddle and was an independent sleeper (she didn’t like to touch anyone while she slept or lied down), but she always did that.

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I’m done

11 October 2007 By Valerie 0 In School

I’m done, I’m done, I’m done, I’m done, I’m done! I walked out of my exam yesterday and was so happy that I had to stop myself from crying. It was such an amazing feeling. University is done. Hard to believe, but amazing. I love it.

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I like pie

12 September 2007 By Valerie 0 In Personal

It’s amazing how much of my life has revolved around pie lately. I’m in perpetual search of a good apple pie, it seems. Acme’s was terrible. I bought one from Genuardis that was labelled as apple and had apples on the crust and it turned out to be PEACH (my God was I pissed). Mrs Smith’s deep dish apple pie was sub par. I’ve gone to two different Genuardis at different times and they are always sold out of regular apple pie (I don’t want Dutch and I sure as hell don’t want no sugar added). Costco only had pumpkin pie the other day, and while I was seriously tempted because I love pumpkin pie, I decided it wasn’t the best time because it would leave me disappointed because it wouldn’t be apple pie. Another day. It’s looking like I’ll have to make my own, which annoys me. I mean, I’ve made an apple pie before, but it’s time consuming and I’d like one made by someone else.

In other news, last month I joined a gym. I want to quit. I really hate it. I’ve only been five times, and I need to go another 12 in the next month so that I can cancel my membership. I should have known it wasn’t for me when my main reason for not wanting to exercise ever was that I don’t like to sweat. And I get sweaty and I hate it.

Also, another thing I hate is that after 4 days on the ellipticals, with a maximum of 20 minutes per day, my legs are fucking huge. They are rock solid. When I was healthy and active, I played soccer and ran track. After ninth grade (almost 8 years ago now), it took a good number of years for the muscle mass to go down, and even longer for any fat to build up. I think it was my second year of university that I was pleased with my legs, pleased with the amount of muscle. I don’t mind my calves being muscular, it’s just that I now have these huge fucking thighs on my slight build. It makes my legs look even stubbier. Gross.

Also gross, Britney’s performance. I loved how she looked, I thought she looked great. I don’t like 6 packs on girls. She had a soft stomach, yes, but I thought it was perfect. It wasn’t flowing over her waistband or anything. Her post-pregnancy breasts looked great. Her outfit was horrendous, as was her dancing, but she looked amazing. I don’t know if she has what it takes for a comeback, though, because she has always been a performer first and singer last, and that was a horrible performance. But at least she looked hot.

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Health

28 August 2007 By Valerie 1 In Family, Personal

My grandfather’s better. Well, the prognosis hasn’t changed; kinda hard to change stage 3 terminal lung cancer that’s spread to the lymph nodes and for which you are having no treatment (he didn’t want to, and he has no pain at all, sooo). But his quality of life has improved.

We were having a going away party for my brother who was heading back to college in Hawaii, that also served was to serve as a sort of party where my grandfather gets to say good-bye to everyone. I went to bed and kind of just knew that we weren’t going to have the party the next day…and we didn’t.

My mom calls my grandfather every morning at 9am to make sure he’s okay. If he doesn’t answer, she waits 5 minutes and calls back. The morning of the party, he didn’t answer the first time. The second time, he said “my phone’s been ringing all night. All of my furniture is upside down. I think I’ll go take a shower now.” He was delusional. He couldn’t take a shower by himself. My uncle, who lives the closest to him, went over. My grandfather was saying that he was the sheriff, and demanding that my uncle call the police and ambulance and FBI because last night someone broke in and stole his garbage. No joke, stole his garbage. I’m going to find that hilarious in a couple months (I thought I would have by now, but apparently not). My uncle did call the police and an ambulance. The ambulance came and my grandfather refused care. The police came and my grandfather reported his garbage stolen and wanted them to call the FBI.

Well anyway, it was a bad mix of drugs. He hadn’t been sleeping well, so his doctor prescribed him a sleeping aid. He had been on that for the past week, but it wasn’t helping either, so the night before all this, he called the hospice and they suggest he take two instead of one. So he did, and he drank a glass of wine, and watched a cops and robbers type show before going to sleep. And then woke up disoriented. The hospice nurse came to his apartment in the afternoon of his episode (she had to wait for someone else in his building to die before coming…Christ, I can’t imagine having that job), and gave him a medicine that’s frequently used with dementia patients, and he cleared right up. He’s been fine since, but it was hectic.

I drove to the liquor store, and started crying hysterically on the way there. Crying in the parking lot, avoiding eye contact with the cashier so he didn’t see the tears in my eyes. That’s sad. I didn’t drink though, which was good. Probably not the best idea to run and get booze when things aren’t going well, but my mom said she wanted to start taking up drinking vodka, soo…

Anyway, two days later he moved into the managed care. He’s gained 11 pounds in 2 weeks, because he’s eating every meal. It was difficult for him to get to his fridge, even though he had tonnes of food, because of his walker. He seems to like it a lot. He wanted new clothes, because his old ones were so baggy (from before he got really ill), and because he was now interacting with people at meals. The only thing he doesn’t like is that they don’t have DSL or cable internet, because he likes to visit news sites all day. All he did when he was well was watch CSPAN and CNN in his free time (with copies of the Constitution and Declaration of Independence handy), and he wasn’t interested in the internet until the past maybe two years when he realised he could get news nonstop online as well as off the TV.

So that’s what’s happened with that. It’s turned out pretty well.

My grandmother on my other side came over for a visit yesterday, which was nice. I also realised that there’s a huge huge huge chance that’s I’ll get glaucoma when I’m older. My mom and dad both have 3 siblings each. On both sides, 3/4 of their generation have glaucoma. The type my one uncle has, though, only effects males every other generation, so that’s good. Apparently it’s a predominately Jewish strain, which is funny because my dad’s family is WASP WASPerton…but apparently not completely. My dad’s other brother has just a general glaucoma, a different type. My mom had glaucoma I think this winter? She had surgery. She went in for a consultation for laser eye surgery, and the doctor saw that she had the glaucoma. Which is good, because she has closed-angle, and when you feel symptoms (generally just a pain in your eye), you need to have treatment within 24 hours or you’ll go blind. So two of her siblings also have it as well.

Last summer my dad and I went to the ophthalmologist. My dad’s really high risk, and technically, on his chart, it says he has advanced glaucoma, but they didn’t give him any treatment or tell him he has it? I think he doesn’t have the right pressure or something, I don’t know. His cornea has always been thin, and it is getting thinner slowly with age, so it’s something he has to get checked at least once a year, and be aware if he gets any pain in his eyes. And I have the thin cornea like his! Yay! So I’ve already been determined at risk. Which is not good, because I’m always paranoid about things like that. Oh, and I don’t like having a fucking needle stuck in my eyeball.

Yet another reason to never pass on my genetic code…

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